Food

I like to say that Koreans are to Asians as Italians are to White people. It's true! Think about it.

Some of you might not be able to fully comprehend this statement because you have never encountered a real live Korean mother. Here's a taste of some wisdom from Jung Ok Rim:

1. DONT EXPOSE YOUR STOMACH TO THE COLD YOUR UTERUS WILL DRY UP.

2. STOP STARING AT YOUR COMPUTER SCREEN, THE MAGNETS WILL RUIN YOUR BRAIN

3. DO YOU WANT YOUR MOTHER TO DIE? EAT ALL YOUR FOOD.

These are paradigmatic Korean mother phrases for many different reasons. Beyond the all-caps (factory settings for Korean people), here's a breakdown.

1. Korean mothers will do whatever it takes to make sure they have over 9000 grandchildren. Also, this was directed at my little sister, not me. I always cover up my uterus.

2. Anything that prevents you from getting into medical school should be treated like large piles of nuclear waste from Kim Jong Il's anus.

3. Food is love

My mom taught me EVERYTHING I know about making food. Here are some helpful words from my mom, on food:

"Only white people use measuring spoons."

"The reason why Americans are fat is because they don't eat kimchi. Did you know kimchi stopped SARS from spreading into Korea? It's true."

"Don't eat ice cubes! You will become cold on the inside like your cello teacher."

"If I ever stopped loving you, you would know because I would stop sending you mangos by airmail"

A lot of my conversations with my mother have been about food. How to make it, present it, store it, and serve it. A lot of times, I ask for recipes for things I ate when I was a kid. Some people have their mac and cheese and turkey dinner and cheeseburgers, but for me, nothing beats a steaming bowl of rappoggi, kalbi bibimbap, or an icy glass of shikhae.

BAM HOW ABOUT THAT? TOO ETHNIC FOR YOU?!

I think my mom really likes hearing about instances when I make her recipes at Brown or when I expose other people to Korean food. She's always been a little scared that I would turn to more American tastes, which in her opinion is at once "too bland and too salty." Mom, like it or not, spicy fermented cabbage will always be a part of my life. I'll write down as many recipes as I can from you, and someday I'll be able to make them without even thinking. One day I'll be able to do what you do and do crazy things like crush garlic with your fist or remove things from the oven with your bare hands.

I remember once thinking that my mom was not a good cook because she never measured anything out and put her hands in everything. All the people on TV had fancy machines and measuring spoons and scales and things that separated the yolks and the whites and they had pristine kitchens and used big things with lots of attachments to mix things. I once asked my mom while she was making homemade flour noodles why she never used a recipe. I clearly remember what she said, roughly translated: "If you need a recipe, you're not a real cook."

I tell people about this and they respond, "Oh, but not with baking!" My response: You're probably not that good at baking, then.

Jung Ok Rim: "If it's made of pure sugar and butter and it tastes bad, then you are a failure."

"What about SOUFFLES?"

Jung Ok Rim: "What's a souffle? HAVE SOME KIMCHI"

Word, mom.

This blog is dedicated to you and your no-nonsense food. You're the best cook in the world.