Few things in the world can capture the spirit of all that is good, right and just like the almighty cake. Even when it's in the shape of a dick.
A few people ask me how I decorate cakes. I volunteer a few of my thoughts on the art of cake decoration. First, you must make sure to start with a solid and delicious cake. The successful model can stand bare, moist and sweet even without fine clothes draped over him/her. The flesh must be firm, springy, and a toothpick inserted into the center must come out clean. What am I even talking about?
First you will want to "cover that shit." You don't have to cover the cake completely to sell people on it. This is the Abercrombie and Fitch school of cake decoration. A small dollop of cream cheese frosting dressing the top of a moist red velvet cake is like the string bikini or the fitted speedo. Think about it.
But for those cakes without perfectly sculpted bodies, there are many many options. The first option is like me during finals. I don't care about what I look like as long as I'm naked. This is your basic glaze.
The second is buttercream frosting, which is like dressing up for a formal party. You have to cover everything, be really detail-oriented, and put in a lot of work but you know it's not gonna matter come orgy time.
The third is the chocolate option. Black is slimming and always in style.
The fourth is covering your cake in fruit. Safe and healthy outside, dangerous and wild inside. Like my ex-boyfriend who is now studying to be a priest.
And there we go!
